22-Year-Old Worries Life is Passing Her By

In a developing story coming out of Portland, OR, 22-year-old Tatiana Johnson reportedly worries that her life is quickly passing her by.


“I just feel like I could’ve gotten a lot more out of undergrad,” Tatiana told us. “Who knows? Maybe majoring in English wasn’t even the right decision.”


Her woes don’t stop there: Tatiana also worries that she’s missed countless other experiences already.


“I just don’t know if I’m on the right path, but it feels too late to get off or find another one.” Tatiana said. “Like, I’ve never even been skydiving before. What am I doing with my life?”


We spoke with sources close to Tatiana, who clued us in about her thought process at this time.


“She’s been calling me every day this week, which I love, but I’m also really worried about her,” said Tatiana’s mom, Carole Johnson. “Just yesterday, she told me that she’s ‘getting older and older every day, and at this point it’s probably too late to even try polyamory. What does that even mean?”


Carole has repeatedly assured her daughter that she is at the very outset of her adult life, but Tatiana remains unconvinced.


“I didn’t even go abroad when I was in college,” Tatiana lamented. “I’ve never been anywhere outside of the U.S. and Canada. I’d love to go to Europe or South America, but it’s just too late for me. My life is basically over now.”


Even though Tatiana could still potentially go to these countries and even have polyamorous relationships there, she is presently stuck on the failures of her misused time.



“I’ve never even had a dragon fruit!” Tatiana told us. “I’m not even sure what it looks like! Is it like papaya? I don’t know anything, and I’m too old for that to be endearing, so I’ve basically squandered my life.”


At press time, Tatiana is still grieving over not doing anything meaningful with her life, even though she could go to the store and buy a dragon fruit at literally any time.