In a report emerging from a family reunion in Plain Falls, MI, you’re pretty sure the meaning of your new, massive will certainly convince your parents to like it.
“My parents are extremely anti-tattoo for both personal and religious reasons,” you told reporters from the bathroom of your childhood home while changing into a bathing suit that reveals your new ink. “I’m sure that will change when they see my new tattoo and come to understand that it has a deep and existential meaning, though.”
Sources confirm your parents hate all tattoos, but sure, maybe this time things will be different for no discernible reason at all.
“It’s not like I got some meaningless image put on my body forever,” you continued. “I got a semi-meaningful image put on my body forever! I think my parents are going to love that this tattoo represents my hometown.”
The tattoo in question depicts a local flower that bloomed outside your childhood home, a narrative you’re pretty sure is going to hit home with your parents, who have routinely said if you ever got a tattoo they would “send you away for good.”
“It’s a tattoo about how much they mean to me and how grateful I am for the upbringing that shaped me,” you continued. “Does it completely disregard their disdain for tattoos, which I’ve fundamentally understood since childhood? Yes.”
You would ideally wait for the perfect time to reveal the new ink to your parents, but they spent the entire morning ranting about how your cousin’s new stick-and-poke that’s half the size of yours makes him look like an “uncouth numbskull.”
“It didn’t feel like the right time,” you continued, glancing around nervously. “Maybe they’ve changed their minds by now, though! Because it’s been 30 minutes.”
Sources confirm your parents are now on the phone with your cousin’s parents, assuring them tattoo removal is now easier than ever.
“We’re heading to the lake in 10 minutes, and I’m afraid the tat is going to come out whether I like it or not,” you continued. “Luckily, my tattoo is very different from my cousin’s tattoo. For example, my tattoo means something!”
As of press time, you had revealed the tattoo to your parents with bated breath, and your mom fully passed out, which felt a little dramatic.
