A new study of interpersonal relationships is rocking the scientific world, as researchers have finally confirmed that it’s totally fine for your friends to rehash the same topics over and over, but when you do it, everyone literally hates you for it.
“We surveyed a large group of people, mainly those you love and consider close friends, and were shocked but not quite surprised at the findings,” said Lead Researcher Todd Myerson. “It’s very normal for other people to need to talk through things with their friends, but when you have to talk through things with your friends, they all get pissed.”
Researchers confirmed this conclusion after observing you and your friends having a casual chat over some wine last week.
“The intimate setting was perfect for sharing secrets and getting into the weeds of each person’s psyche,” said Dr. Heidi Klein, psychology professor at Duke University. “It was obvious that your friend Kayla was going through it with her breakup, and everyone was willing to hear her spout the same talking points she’s been set on for weeks. When it came time for you to talk about the upcoming presentation you’ve been nervous about, however, everyone was furious you hadn’t gotten over it already.”
Dr. Klein insists everyone was trying to communicate via nonverbal cues that you should shut the fuck up.
“It’s just not normal when you need people’s advice on a certain situation more than once,” Dr. Klein continued. “I mean, sure, it’s normal for everyone else, but it’s super rude of you.”
When the conversation shifted back to your friend Kayla’s breakup, however, everyone was visibly relieved to be back on her “perpetual topic” and away from yours.
“You just have to stop talking about it,” Todd continued, taking this opportunity to violate all rules of observation and just directly tell you what to do. “I’ve been on this case for only, like, a week, and I’m already tired of you.”
Sources confirm this is only the third time you’ve brought up the presentation, but it seems pretty reasonable that everyone would hate your guts for it by now.
As of press time, you had decided to confront your friends and ask if they’re mad at you for talking about the same thing over and over. They all looked shocked and insisted they were happy to talk through anything at all for as long as it takes, but a trusted source – the voice in the back of your head – insists they are simply lying.
