After nine blissful months of discovering everything there is to know about each other, Brooklyn-based couple Dina Hodges and Faria Ali have finally entered the stage where they’re mostly just proofreading each other’s emails.
“I knew that I loved Dina about three months in,” Faria told reporters gathered at the scene. “Since then, we’ve spent so much time together that there’s no one I’m more comfortable with and no one I trust more to proofread this super important email real quick.”
In the early stages of the relationship, most of their text messages were some variation of “wish you were here” late at night and “when can I see you” early in the morning. Now, however, sources confirm 60% of their texts are some variation of, “Can you read this and tell me if I sound crazy?” or “Should I throw in an exclamation point somewhere?”
“It’s just the natural progression of things,” Dina weighed in. “At the beginning, you’re giddy and in that honeymoon phase, but once that wears off, there’s actually a lot of proofreading that needs to get done. I’m sending emails left, right, and center, and I simply don’t trust myself to do it alone.”
Sources confirm that over the past nine months, their “nude-to-screenshot-of-email-response” ratio has decreased from 5 to 0.2.
“There’s infatuation, and then there’s trust,” Faria added. “I finally trust my girlfriend enough to send her every single piece of written correspondence I ever send ‘just to have an extra pair of eyes on it.’”
Dina claims it’s an important step in any relationship: “I’ve shown you my heart, but are you ready to read my corporate voice? Because it’s ugly.”
Even when the couple is having tough moments, proofreading each other’s emails trumps all.
“I was a little peeved at her last week for canceling date night for a friend’s dog’s birthday party, so I was giving her the silent treatment,” Dina continued. “But I had to send in my two weeks’ notice, and it got us talking again.”
With a quick, “I don’t think you need to sound so apologetic in this line,” the relationship was repaired.
“This is exactly how my relationship with Faria’s father progressed,” said Faria’s mother, Mina Ali. “It’s nice to know that the kids are alright, so to speak. Well, in a sense. In another sense, they can’t write for shit.”
“I’ll say it, I think I’ve found my person,” Faria told reporters, smiling at Dina. “Grammarly can suck it.”
