In a highly relatable story out of Minneapolis, MN, 27-year-old Mara Beauchamp’s TV requires three different handheld devices and a heavy dose of patience to get turned on.
Same, girl!
“Sometimes I wish I was one of those girls with a TV that you just jab a single button and, boom, they’re on,” Mara told reporters. “However, I’ve come to terms with the fact that it just takes my TV a little longer.”
She continued, saying, “Honestly, I’ve found watching my shows to be way more satisfying when I have to work for it a little. Like eating lobster. Or dual-wielding my suction vibrator and magic wand to bring myself to orgasm. You just feel like you earned it.”
Yes! Nothing wrong with requiring a little extra electronic assistance!
“I have to press the exact correct settings on three different remotes just to get my TV up and running,” Mara told reporters. “Then it takes me another 15 minutes to find a show I actually want to watch, and then another 30 to actually watch it to completion — more if I’m struggling to concentrate — and God forbid somebody else tries to do it without my help! We’ll be sitting there in awkward silence all night.”
Mara later admitted that she discovered her TV fires up even quicker if she “smacks it around a little.”
Okay, kinky!
Those close to Mara have also struggled to figure out her TV.
“It took my boyfriend years to learn how to work my TV,” she said. “Sometimes even now I’ll still have to guide him through it. He’s a wizard with my vibrator, though.”
“Mara’s TV is extra confusing because she keeps the remotes in the same drawer as her vibrators,” Mara’s boyfriend, Ethan, told reporters. “One time I spent 15 minutes trying to turn on her TV with a rabbit-vibrator. How dumb is that? The G-spot vibrator weirdly worked, though.”
While Mara says that, at the end of the day, “every TV is different” and “one isn’t better than another simply because it only needs one sleek remote to get turned on instead of three massive, clunky ones,” she’s still considering buying a new one, simply because her vibrator drawer is “getting a bit cluttered.”
At press time, Mara had invested in a new TV with a much less involved process for getting turned on.
“I just have to press one little button on the TV,” she said. “But I also have to call it a ‘dirty little slut’ while doing so? Whatever works, I guess.”
Own it, babe!
