In a city like New York, with its infinite possibilities, which one of Carrie’s nipples are you? Add up your points for each question and check your score at the end to see if you’re a right-nippler, a left-nippler, or Carrie’s super-secret third nipple.
1. Do you believe there’s one perfect bra out there for everyone?
A. Yes, absolutely! These girls have an underwire soulmate out there somewhere, waiting for them. Better check Saks!
B. I don’t believe in bras; perky nips are a form of self-expression, and some nipples just weren’t meant to be tamed.
C. Nah, these babies weren’t meant to be put in a single booby basket, or any basket at all, cause this nip doesn’t really require a bra.
2. It’s payday. What’s the first thing you do with your check?
A. Shopping! These nips have been cooped up in the office all week; it’s time to treat them to an afternoon of browsing semi-sheer tank tops and Manolo Blahniks.
B. Hit the town for a night out! The ladies and I are off to a swanky bar to drink Cosmopolitans and flash our nipples at the eligible bachelors of NYC. In a city that never sleeps, neither can these titties.
C. Head straight to the bank. I’ve got big plans for removing this embarrassing skin flap, and those bills aren’t gonna pay themselves!
3. What’s more important in a guy: brains or brawn?
A. Brawn, baby! Nothing like a strong, sexy man to sweep you off your feet and make your nipples feel safe and protected.
B. Who cares?! The big apple is the one true love of my nipples’ life.
C. Definitely brains. And here’s hoping that he puts this secret nipple thing at the bottom of his priority list.
4. Are you a planner or a spontaneous, go-with-the-flow kind of gal?
A. Spontaneous! I don’t like to plan out every second of my nipples’ day. These nips are always up for an adventure, and in a city like Manhattan, you never know what will happen next.
B. It really depends on my mood. Sometimes my nipples like the structure of a schedule, and other times they want to go wherever the wind blows them. We just play it by nip.
C. Planner all the way. My nips are pretty type-A—they have to be when there are this many of them.
5. Are you more comfortable in a silk babydoll top or a little black dress?
A. Silk babydoll for sure. I’m a girly-girl kind of gal, and I just love the feeling of that sumptuous sheer silk for my nips to poke through.
B. Nothing beats the LBD! Preferably with some thin spaghetti straps that are a little too long so it slips down and allows for the occasional nip slip. A girl’s gotta breathe, after all.
C. Neither, they both show my nipples too much. I like to kick around in a sturdy cotton tee.
6. Where do you see yourself in five years?
A. I want to be in love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-these-nipples love.
B. Somewhere exciting! Paris, Milan, London, anywhere with a bustling fashion scene, an abundance of couture shoes, and a raging nightlife. Oh, the places these nips will go!
C. NYC forever and always. This city will eternally have my heart. Perky nipples are fleeting, but a rent-controlled apartment overlooking the park is forever.
Mostly A’s: TOTAL right nipple.
You’re a fabulous, independent, unapologetically girly nip who doesn’t like to color inside the lines. Although you sometimes get in trouble for letting your emotions take the wheel, you trust your inner nipple to guide you on your path to truth. You can be selfish at times, getting wrapped up in your own problems, but when another nipple needs you, you’re a fiercely loyal friend. A sassy, sexy, and self-assured nip, you are the author of your own destiny. You proudly poke through any garment, declaring, “I am nipple, hear me roar!!”
Mostly B’s: Classic left nipple.
You are a nipple on a mission! You don’t waste time with men who nibble too hard. You know what you want and you’re not afraid to demand it. An even temper and clear head allow you to navigate even the most stressful situations with grace, poise, and confidence. You stand out in any crowd, and no fabric will keep you from perking up for all the world to see. Though playing the field can be fun, you’re really on the lookout for the One; the guy you can see yourself building a life with. You’ve got big plans for the future, and you’ll be successful in any professional endeavor. You are one no-nonsense nipple!
Mostly C’s: Hidden third nipple.
No one knows you’re there, but there you are, dreaming, hiding, and living life in this crazy city we call New York!
