QUIZ: What’s Wrong With You Based on Your Dumb Coffee Order?

Everyone has a specific way that they like their coffee, but have you ever wondered what yours says about what’s wrong with you you or how your deep-seated trauma affects the person that you are today? Then take the quiz below to see what your dumb coffee order says about all your biggest shortcomings!


What kind of coffee shop do you usually go to?

  1. One that looks really cute!
  2. One with great coffee.
  3. One where the baristas are nice.


What kind of coffee do you get?

  1. Something that’s written on the menu already.
  2. Espresso, americano, or a long black.
  3. Just a black coffee or a simple latte.


What kind of milk do you get?

  1. 2% or creamer
  2. No milk
  3. Oat milk, or whatever’s available!


What size?

  1. Regular
  2. Really big or really small
  3. Whatever’s easiest!


Any extras?

  1. Nope!
  2. Another espresso shot.
  3. Two sugar packets, but I’ll do it myself later!




Mostly 1s: You’re super basic. Your lack of uniqueness when it comes to your coffee order reveals that you don’t like making decisions or thinking outside the box. You’d rather have your coffee, and your fate, predetermined for you. Also, you probably don’t tip enough.

Mostly 2s: You take yourself way too seriously. Like, for real, please chill out. No one cares that you only drink the best coffee or that you know what a long black is! No one in this coffee shop is paying attention to you. Please get a grip, and maybe try a Frappuccino for once in your life. God, you and your dumb coffee order are truly a disaster.

Mostly 3s: You care way too much about what people think of you. Relax! No one’s gonna get mad at you if you ask for oat milk. Next time you visit your local café, try to make space for yourself, and don’t let any of the other coffee drinkers there push you around! But also, you shouldn’t let us push you round? You have so, so much to work on, but we wish you luck!