Mr. Shakespeare once said, “Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player who is sad and he’s walking around and it sucks.” To this day, these words ring true: The worst impulses of humanity seem to prevail on the global stage, death is inevitable, God is dead – et cetera. But is life really fundamentally tragic, or is it just kind of raining outside? Take this quiz to find out!
How are you?
- Oh, misery! Thy name is…my name. I am feeling sad today.
- A little gloomy, much like the light in my apartment this morning.
Is nature cruel?
- Cruel? Detached, cold, merciless – yes. But cruel? Can you impose morality on a universe that never once cared for you in the first place? The lion takes its prey without remorse or reflection. TikTokers are celebrities. Crossword clues aren’t just about knowing information; sometimes they’re little puns or riddles. What is cruel?
- Nature is being a little cruel to me now, because I have to go to the grocery store later and it’s been raining all day and I’m just like, do I have to bring an umbrella? Then carry a wet umbrella in the grocery store? Ugh.
What do you know for certain?
- I will return to the dirt having lived for ultimately no reason, and with the world around me slightly worse than when I entered.
- I have literally every light on in my home even though it’s the middle of the afternoon, and I feel tired and like I should call my mom or my ex.
What’s the weather like?
- A reflection of our forsaken society. Dark, wet, cold but also humid. I had two pet lizards when I was child, back to back, and they both starved themselves to death. What do you think that says about me?
- It is raining.
Results:
Mostly 1’s: Okay, you’re definitely not in a good place right now, and there’s about a 50% chance it’s because it’s raining. If it’s not raining, try drinking some orange juice. Could be a blood sugar thing.
Mostly 2’s: It’s definitely raining and that’s making you melancholy because you’re a human. However! This doesn’t mean that life isn’t fundamentally tragic. Frankly, that’s more a question of perspective, so do with this what you will!
