You and your boyfriend have been dating for two years now. He’s supportive, loving, and best of all, your family loves him! Your father calls him “Bubs,” and your mom always makes his favorite cornbread when you two are in town. It might be time to let him go naked hot-tubbing with your parents. But is he ready for this particular family tradition? This quiz will tell you if he’s ready to take the literal and figurative plunge.
1. What did he get your mother for Christmas?
a. Fancy soaps in the shape of daffodils.
b. Lavender foot scrub.
c. A coffee table book of nude photographs.
2. When you introduced him to your grandma, and she apologized about not having any makeup on, what did he do?
a. Giggle awkwardly.
b. Tell her she looked great.
c. Tell her he preferred her “au naturel”.
3. When your dad complained about back pain, how did your boyfriend respond?
a. Giving him the number for a highly recommended chiropractor.
b. Offering to give your father a full-body massage.
c. Immediately giving your father a full-body massage,
4. Your mom was overwhelmed with dirty dishes. Did he…
a. Help her load the dishwasher and compliment her again on the delicious meal.
b. Take off his shirt so he could get to work on the dishes without being “constrained.”
c. Slide up behind her and make her hands wash the dishes with his, like the pottery scene in Ghost.
5. When you met his family, they welcomed you by…
a. Giving you a hug and offering you something to drink.
b. Kissing you on the mouth.
c. Inviting you to go naked hot-tubbing.
6. When your parents suggested that you all go on vacation together, he said…
a. “That’s a great idea. Let me check my calendar.”
b. “We can all share a hotel room. It’ll be cheaper and more fun!”
c. “I intend to become more sensually aware of your parents.”
Mostly As… Fish out of Water
This relationship is going to be a challenge. He may be a good boyfriend, but there’s no sign that he’ll ever really accept your family’s nude hot-tubbing, which is an important part of your personal history. You need a man who is so comfortable with his body that he wants to share it with you and your whole family.
Mostly Bs…Still Needs Floaties
Things are looking hopeful, but he’s not quite there yet. He’s showing clear signs that he’s cut out for the kind of family bonding most dudes would deem “creepy” or “why???”, but he needs a little more warming up before he’ll be ready to share a jet with your grandma. Stick to intermediate activities, like sharing beverages or borrowing clothes from your dad. He’ll get there!
Mostly Cs…In the Deep End
Congratulations! He’s ready for your family’s weirdest, most intimate pastime. He was born ready because this man is in sync with his body and deeply accepting of all other bodies, especially your family’s. It’s time to show him to the tub and welcome him into the sacred, bubbling waters of family tradition. You did it!