So, you wake up after a fun night out with an undeniable tickle in your throat. You swallow 13 consecutive times, but it’s no use: You’ve got a sore throat, and there’s no telling how long it’ll last. Is this the beginning of a week-long sickness, or just an hour-long recovery from last night? Take this quiz to find out if you have a sore throat because you’re sick or because you literally can’t shut the fuck up for 10 seconds and spent the entire night screaming.
Aside from the sore throat, do you have any other symptoms?
- Yes! I have a slight headache and, now that you mention it, my body is starting to ache a bit.
- Yes! My throat is sore, but my voice is also raspy as fuck. And my head hurts from the drinking. And I think I gave a bunch of people my number unprompted. Do we think this is the flu?
What happens when you take a sip of water?
- It just hurts more! Pretty sure the water is irritating my sore throat.
- I drank some tea, and my sore throat went away entirely! But then I gave a recap of the night to my friend Sarah, and it came back immediately. Weird!
Be honest: When did your sore throat begin?
- Okay, so maybe it started before the party, but I just assumed it was allergies! Or maybe a fluke throat accident thing. It wasn’t that bad!
- It may or may not have started after I screamed, “THIS IS MY FUCKING JAM!” in my friend Jessica’s ear once “Crazy in Love” by Beyoncé came on. And it definitely got worse as I yelled the entire plot of The Iron Claw in her ear, too.
Is anyone around you sick?
- My friend Charlie came down with a cold a few days after we hung out last Friday. Plus, his early symptoms were almost identical to mine.
- Well, once I finished recounting Iron Claw to Jessica, she said she was having a bit of a stomachache and had to leave immediately. So, maybe her!
RESULTS:
Mostly 1s: You’re definitely sick. Grab a blanket, some tea, and cozy up, because you’re going to have to ride this one out for a few days. Best of luck!
Mostly 2s: Great news! You’re not sick. You just can’t shut the fuck up. You talked so much and so loudly that you’ve scratched the shit out of your throat. Seems like the only remedy is to shut your goddamn trap for once!
