The body is a mystery, and it can be hard to know why you feel the way you do! For example, if your boobs feel bigger from one day to the next, it might be a sign that you’re about to begin your monthly period, a typical biological process. It could, however, also be a sign that something much more exciting is happening: The gods have heard your prayers and granted you the big titties you’ve always desired. Take this quiz to find out if your boobs are bigger because you’re PMS-ing or because the blood sacrifice, at long last, hath come to fruition:
How does PMS typically affect your boobs?
- It’s pretty normal for my boobs to feel bigger about one or two days before my period. I also start craving some unhealthy food!
- I’ve always wanted to have bigger boobs on my period, but it has never happened. That is, until last week, when I did the blood ritual by the light of the Demon Moon…
Have you ever done a blood ritual by the light of the Demon Moon?
- What? No. Is that a tampon brand?
- Duh, I literally just said that. It’s like you’re not even listening.
Does the phrase, “By the glow of this somber night, let them grow in weight, heft, and height” mean anything to you?
- Wait, sorry, “grow in height”? What the fuck does that mean?
- Okay, so now you’re just describing the blood ritual by the Demon Moon.
What makes you think your boobs are bigger?
- They’re a bit sore and feel more perky. I can’t really describe it, but this happens to me pretty much every month.
- They’re fully three sizes bigger. Like so much bigger. They’ve grown in weight, heft, and height.
Has anyone else noticed the changes?
- Yes! My boyfriend said they seemed different, and I trust him. Haha!
- Yes. Everyone has noticed that my boobs are three sizes bigger than they were a few days ago, and also everyone has noticed that my friend Mike is missing. Blood Sacrifice Mike, I mean.
Are you having cramps?
- Yeah, pretty severe too. My period sucks!
- Yes, cramps of the conscience. I miss Mike, but this is (most likely) what he would have wanted.
RESULTS:
Mostly 1s: You’re PMS-ing! Grab some chocolate, a heating pad, and get ready for three to seven days of pain, depending on your cycle. Congrats on the boobs though!
Mostly 2s: You absolutely did a blood sacrifice, and babe, IT WORKED! All your hard work has finally paid off, so enjoy those massive knockers and if anyone comes sniffing around for Mike, distract them with a face full of boob. Cheers, girl!
