American politics is so embarrassing nowadays. Our democracy is in peril and all the leaders of the free world can seem to do is host photo shoots in the government buildings that we, as taxpayers, bought for them. I am old enough to remember when it was not unusual for people to throw a shoe or two at leaders of the free world when they were egregiously failing to do their job. Whatever happened to those days?
Kids, I’m talking about direct action – which some of you seemed to forget how to do after the Bush era.
All elected officials should be waking up in a cold sweat at the thought of a projectile platform pump or high-top Converse heading their way. Congress should have to pass a bill mandating all senators, members of the House of Representatives, Supreme Court judges, and White House officials take mandatory shoe-ducking courses in order to hold office.
I even want their interns to live in fear just in case they get any ideas – especially the political science and econ majors. They deserve a sneaker just for that.
Some people might say there are other ways to hold politicians accountable. What? You mean, waiting 2-4 years to fill out a piece of paper to replace them with someone equally as incompetent? Or do you mean tweeting “[insert politician’s name] How dare you [insert heinous action]. You make me ashamed to be an American!” to an account managed by a social media manager who does not get paid enough to solve world issues?
No, thank you! I’ll take the shoe, please.
If you don’t want to part ways with your beloved loafers, that is completely understandable. We can think of some alternatives. How about the old and beloved American tradition of tar and feathering officials in the town square? Or we could throw tomatoes at them like we used to with bad performers. That’s a reaction that makes sense and gets results.
The days of watching passively as oligarchs destroy the world is over. We need to keep them on their toes, one Doc Marten boot at a time.
