It’s inevitable: At some point between your wedding and his funeral, you and your husband will get into an argument. Even the most solid couples will quibble over the years, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take each argument as a chance to assert dominance. So what can you do to win this battle? Fucking fashion. These outfits will strike fear into your man so you can trounce him easily in every match:
Black Pantsuit
How do the hot-shot women of corporate America work their way up the ladder? Hard work, cutthroat tactics, and brilliant business decisions? Of course not. It’s their fucking pantsuits. Bring the tenacity of women like Sheryl Sandberg or Angela Merkel by slipping into a JCPenney pantsuit with a power-color blouse such as red or orange underneath. You won’t have to waste time on actually convincing your husband to spend Christmas with your family this year, because with a pantsuit, he’s already lost the war.
Dress Over Pants
Nothing wins arguments faster than this intimidating outfit. Try this classic 90s hit of a dress worn over wide-leg pants. You’ll shut your husband up immediately by layering your trousers and booties with a bohemian-style dress. A nice faded floral pattern will lull your husband into a false sense of security while also allowing you to maintain an innocent sense of femininity. Looks like it’s your turn to pick where to go on vacation this year—again!
Bow Detailed Coat and Black Leggings
The leaves are changing, and so must your tactics—you need to put on a bow-covered coat. A subtle purple or navy blue coat with bow detailing will not only keep you cozy this fall, but also blow your husband’s reactionary tendencies and faulty logic away. Its sharp lines and sleek contours will remind your husband that you have your shit together, or at least make him think you have your shit together. Sorry, Greg, we’re watching Gilmore Girls tonight!
Bikini
What’s a woman’s most dangerous weapon? Is it her wit? How about her gun? Hell no–it’s her curves! Your man will forget whatever logical discussion he was having when you walk out in a flawless two-piece swimsuit. To really drive your closing statement home, rub some ice on your nipples to make those puppies stick straight out. Argument about whether to send the kids to private school: over.
His Golf Clothes
Don’t dominate him with a cleverly worded summation of why going to a strip club is, in fact, cheating. End this conversation right now by strutting into the living room with his Tiger Woods visor, khakis, and that green Lacoste polo of which he’s so fond. Wearing the clothes of a man will make you think like a man, which is what it’s going to take for you to actually beat him in a debate about whether or not he’s a cheating piece of shit.
Maintaining a thoughtful, caring, and fair relationship is the second most important part of your marriage, just behind being the fucking boss. Happy fighting!
