In a tragic turn of events, your beloved high school history teacher Mr. Rossi, who you trusted with your sacred lunchtime gossip, has actually been a Republican this entire time!
“I don’t think school is an appropriate place to talk about politics,” said Mr. Rossi. “It’s too divisive and I’d rather that my students focus on learning the material they need to graduate and succeed in life.”
While Mr. Rossi never gave off the impression that he was a left-leaning in any way, shape, or form, most students continue to be stunned by this revelation.
“I truly cannot believe it,” says former student Jenny Blanche. “He was such a kind and understanding teacher. I was allowed to turn in missing work way after the deadline and he even gave me extra credit to bump up my grade at the end of the semester. That’s not something a Republican would do, is it?”
Jenny isn’t the only former student whose worldview has been upended by this discovery.
“He wrote my college recommendation letter two years ago! I consider myself to be an avowed communist,” says Jake Wilmont. “I’ve been friendly with this guy this whole time? How am I supposed to trust anyone ever again?”
Others are not so shocked by this news.
“I don’t understand what this hysteria is about. It was blatantly obvious to me,” says Mrs. Simmons, everyone’s favorite English teacher. “He has a bobble head of Ronald Reagan on his desk. I mean he teaches U.S. History, for Christ’s sake.”
“I thought the bobble head was supposed to be Arnold Schwarzenegger,” says Jenny. “We even bonded over how underrated The Exterminator franchise is.”
Sources report that Mr. Rossi continues to repost Tucker Carlson clips on his private Facebook page.
“He is an outstanding truth-teller, and if it were up to me, I would include him in the syllabus,” says Mr. Rossi. “But for now, I will continue to teach the material given to my by the snowflake Democrat school board.”
Heartbreaking.
