In an understandable story out of Seattle, WA, 27-year-old Tasha Watson has made the decision to forgo overhead lights once and for all, in favor of using anywhere from 16 to 27 lamps at any given time.
“It’s just the right decision for me, personally,” Tasha told reporters, in the warm, muted light of her living room.
Tasha added that once you hit your late twenties, it becomes more pressing than ever to decide whether you’re an overhead light person, or a smattering of lamps person.
“It’s essential,” she said solemnly. “This choice will impact so many different aspects of your life – who you’ll be friends with, how energized or overstimulated you’ll feel at any given moment, whether or not others see you as a person with taste. I had to find a new surgeon because my old one wouldn’t shut off the blinding overhead surgical light. I got my appendix out by the soft glow of an ancient, tasseled Victorian lamp and I’ve never felt happier.”
Aside from the obvious benefit of bathing her apartment in pleasant, layered light, using 16 lamps instead of one overhead light has availed Tasha in a myriad of other ways as well.
“Naps come easier, my apartment has never looked cleaner, and I always feel at peace in my space,” Tasha said. “Unfortunately, my electricity bill has also gone way, way up.”
When asked if she had ever used the overhead light prior to making her decision to be a lamp person, Tasha admitted that she had.
“I used to flip on the overhead light for emergencies,” Tasha said. “Not being able to find my vape, my eyes getting heavy during a work Zoom, things like that. Not anymore, though. The helpfulness of actually being able to see well and feeling fully awake just don’t outweigh the drawbacks.”
When asked what the drawbacks were, Tasha simply replied, “bright light bad.”
At press time, Tasha was unavailable for comment, as she had to rush home and spend a few hours turning off all her lamps before bed.
