In a tale as old as time, mother Miranda Pham has become a certified royal historian after discovering Netflix’s The Crown and can name every Windsor back to the 19th century – an especially impressive feat considering she still mixes up her youngest daughter’s name with the family dog’s.
“It’s just an age thing – the older I get, the easier it is to confuse names!” says the mother of three, who can list the next twenty people in succession for the British crown in under a minute. “It’s just a slip of the tongue!”
Despite only recently falling into a royal family hole, Miranda has cemented her British monarchy education by finishing The Crown, watching every documentary and biopic on Princess Diana, and has now moved on to binging YouTube videos with robotic voices counting down fun facts about the Windsors.
In contrast, Miranda has been accidentally calling her youngest daughter Kelsey by the family dog’s name “Scout,” and vice versa, for the past seven years, with no demonstrated effort to correct this practice.
“It’s pretty cool Mom knows so much about this group of people who have no direct relation to her,” says Kelsey. “Do I wish she would stop confusing me with our border collie? Yes, but at least I know more than I ever thought I would about the Duchess of Cornwall.”
Researchers say this phenomenon is a very common occurrence among middle-aged suburban mothers.
“Particularly when it comes to retaining knowledge on the British monarchy, moms are astoundingly skilled. In fact, it appears to occupy a whole new corner of the brain, unaffected by other memories,” says sociologist Dr. Barbara Kingston, “You know when people are full but have a separate dessert stomach? It’s like that, but with oddly specific pockets of knowledge. Unfortunately, that impressive retention rate doesn’t extend to everyday information such as where their keys are or their kids’ names.”
When speaking to reporters, Kelsey admits she has given up on correcting her mother, submitting to the fact that she and the family dog are interchangeable.
“Maybe if our names were Charles and Diana or William and Harry, Mom could keep better track,” Kelsey says. “It’s either that or marry into the royal family!”
