Cool! This Man Still Refers to the 30-Year-Olds He Dates as ‘Girls’

In a mystifying but undeniably sick move, adult man Jonas Dwyer still refers to the 30-something-year-olds he dates as “girls”. 


The verbiage has caused confusion to the women in his life.


“The other day he was talking about how later he was meeting up with this girl,” says coworker, Annie Zhao. “I was like, to what? Tutor her?” 


“When he clarified it was a date I was concerned because I had been picturing a 12-year-old or at most a 16-year-old,” Annie adds. “Then I realized he was just talking about a grown woman and I was relieved, then concerned again.” 


It’s neat that Jonas refers to all women with such infantilizing language that whether he’s talking about his niece or his romantic interest is anyone’s guess!


“He does it in other situations too,” says Annie. “Just recently he was talking about how girls love stationary, which is weird anyway but whatever, and I was like, I don’t want generalizations made about my gender that group me in with children.”


“Actually,” Annie adds, “I don’t want generalizations made about my gender at all, but I guess that’s a separate issue.” 


However, Jonas is resistant to criticism of his word choice. 


“Obviously the girls I date are adult girls,” says Jonas. “But what else am I supposed to call them? Women?”


“‘Women’ is just weird,” Jonas continues. “When I hear the word ‘woman’ I think of, like, Oprah or Barbara Walters. It’s not something I would apply to girls I meet on Hinge.” 



We see how Jonas’s belief that women are only influential senior talk show hosts could be confusing for him, but all the same he claims to be listening. 


“I know for a fact it’s not sexist because I’m not sexist, but I guess I’ll try to stop if girls really find it that offensive,” Jonas says. “Sorry — if females really find it that offensive.”