Grandmother Sure has Harsh Opinions on Women With Short Hair for Someone With a Literal Pixie Cut

According to an anonymous member of a close-knit, Boston-based family, Grandmother Bette Wetfords received a shock last week when her granddaughter, Robin Wetfords, debuted a buzzcut on the family Zoom.


“When I saw that new haircut I almost had a heart attack,” says 78-year-old grandmother Bette Wetford. “I didn’t recognize my beautiful, girlish, feminine, womanly girl.”


And her strong reaction to the new look did not go unnoticed.


“Bette started sliding down on her chair and writhing while screaming, ‘I feel a sharp pain! I feel a sharp pain! I’m losing consciousness!’” says the anonymous family member.


This account was verified by a family friend, Leticia Queeley, who had been invited to join the Zoom call for no reason by Robin’s aunt.


“I remember as she fell she clarified that the reason she was falling was the length of Robin’s hair. She said something like, ‘This isn’t because of my blood pressure! This is because my granddaughter made a style choice!’” says Leticia. “It was sort of surprising because Bette herself has a close-cropped pixie cut.”


As reported by Robin’s classmates at college, Robin decided to make the change midway through the second semester of her first year.


Says one alumna of the historically women’s college that Robin attends, “Everyone pretty much decides to do a big chop second semester of freshman year because, well, you know.”


Robin declined to make a comment to the press but did make a statement on her finsta about Bette’s reaction, “I mean I don’t really care because I know I look hot but I am kind of confused because when Grandma goes to the hair salon she shows them a still of Jamie Lee Curtis in You Again for reference.”


When other family members were prompted to respond to Robin’s statement, many agreed that Bette, in fact, had little more hair than Robin.


Says Robin’s cousin Bradley, “Yeah it’s pretty short, around an inch. I don’t know what that hairstyle is called. It’s just short hair, I guess.”


Some relations, like Robin’s mom, urged Robin to consider that Bette had a reason to be startled.



In a private email to her daughter, Robin’s mom wrote, “Honey, you have to remember that when Grandma was your age she wasn’t allowed to leave the house without having long hair, a full face of makeup, a ball gown, and white gloves or else she would be fined by the government.”


After being asked about the short length of her own hair, Bette played dead like an opossum.