In what’s shaping up to be the feel-bad story of the year, the man who lingered for an uncomfortably long time outside the post office to hold the door for you is deeply disappointed that you failed to thank him properly for doing that thing you never needed or really asked for.
“It’s just plain rude,” he kind of yelled. “I mean, whatever happened to common courtesy?”
“Maybe I’m just an old-fashioned kind of guy, but my mother always told me that manners are free and you should use them,” he said, moments before hocking up a big wad of phlegm onto the public sidewalk. “Women are so nasty these days.”
When it was suggested to him that perhaps you’d been preoccupied, he nodded in agreement.
“That’s exactly why I followed her for a few blocks afterward, just in case she still wanted to say thank you,” he responded. “But I gave up by the time we got inside the dark garage where her car was parked.”
“And I know what you’re thinking–oh maybe she didn’t realize I was walking behind her? Nope, I know she saw me because she kept looking back at me every so often, with a kind of nasty look on her face. What a bitch.”
The man softened a bit after being told that he should try not to take it personally.
“Yeah, you’re right, maybe she just has one of those bitch faces,” he conceded. “It’s a shame too. She might actually be kind of pretty if not for that. And that haircut, woof. A little butch for me.”
The man also stated that if you had only expressed some gratitude, he would have gladly disrupted the flow of traffic to stand in the street and flail his arms around as you quite capably maneuvered out of your parking spot.
