Brooklyn resident Aisha Berton is reported to have surprised a witness on Wednesday with an unanticipated proclamation regarding waterfowl.
“It’d be nice to have a baby goose around,” announced Berton after 45 minutes of uninterrupted silence while she and her partner worked next to each other on the couch.
While Berton’s partner, Maya Oli, reports they voiced their agreement as soon as they could process the statement, the ambiguous goose dialogue had only just begun.
“Little goose,” said an uncharacteristically smiley Berton. “Just waddling around. Just a little gosling, that’s all.”
Though baby geese are adorable and everyone knows it, the tone and purpose of Berton’s remarks were impossible to discern.
“I assumed she was just saying it as a fantasy, like, ‘it would be nice to live in a cottage in the English countryside,’” says Oli. “But the more she talked about it, I was like, does she actually want us to get a goose? Because, no. Right?”
Clarity on Berton’s intentions was not forthcoming, as she had increasingly bizarre things to say about having a wee baby goose around.
“We could make her a little pillow nest, and she could close her eyes and rest her fluffy little neck,” Berton said. “I wouldn’t want to separate a baby from her mother, but maybe her mom died, and she needs us. And she’s the runt of the goose litter.”
“We could take her to the park!” Berton added. “Aw, we could take her on picnics.”
The couple agreed those would be suitable conditions for their gosling adoption, but a conclusive decision about the next steps had still not been reached.
“I know a New York apartment isn’t the right place for a goose,” said Berton with a mix of sadness and anger, and in response to an imagined challenge. “She should have open water, and grass, and other geese around. I just thought it would be nice.”
At press time, Berton was searching “baby goose” on Google images and crying softly.
