You’re a modern woman. You know how to read people, but more importantly, you know how to read men. And let’s be honest: Sometimes it’s pretty hard to decipher if the guy you’re crushing on at work, the cute guy you’ve been on two dates with, or the CVS cashier that takes your expired coupons is a virgin or just a guy who vapes. You might find yourself wondering, “Has he ever entered someone penis-first, or does he just enjoy creating enormous, noxious clouds like a human fog machine?” Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Here are some man pics to test out your virgin/vaper detection skills:
1. John
You might think John doesn’t have a clue how to please a woman sexually, but really he’s just a guy who satisfies his nicotine craving by inhaling sour apple vape juice. Verdict: Vaper
2. Alex
There’s no denying it—Alex is a hunk. Look at those smoldering eyes and imagine them squinting at you while blowing a thick plume of peanut butter and jelly vapor in your face… Are you finished? Because he never has, if you catch my drift! Alex has never blown smoke, or anybody else! Verdict: Virgin
3. Matt
Aw, look at Matt. He’s got the sweet naïveté of a baby virgin snowflake, but trust me on this one, he sure knows how to take a girl to Poundtown! Unfortunately, this also means he’s a major figurehead in the e-cig convention circuit. Verdict: Vaper
4. Dave
Dave’s idea of fun is sucking on a big ol’ vape pen at his parent’s house around his asthmatic sister. What a sexually active asshole! Verdict: Vaper
5. Greg
You can totally picture Rancid blasting out of Greg’s headphones while exhaling disgusting clouds of piña colada vapor as he waits for the bus. Turns out, the only thing Greg’s waiting for is to be deflowered! Verdict: Virgin
6. Sam
Sam’s got that All-American charm. He always wants to hang out, loves the outdoors, and your friends will love him! It’s too bad he vapes while he lets his dog take a shit in your yard. We hate Sam! Verdict: Vaper
So there you have it! A small sampling of what you can encounter on your quest. On the rare occasion you find a Virgin Vaper, note that he will most likely be wearing a shark tooth necklace. If you find a man that is neither a virgin nor a vaper, sorry—he’s probably out of your league!
