28-year-old Portland, OR resident Audrey McConnell has finally mastered the art of intuitive eating — tapping into her body’s natural ability to tell when all of her emotional voids have been (temporarily) filled.
“Practicing intuitive eating has been a game changer for me,” Audrey told reporters. “I used to eat too much or too little, but now I eat until I don’t hurt anymore.”
Yes, girl! Way to listen to your body!
Audrey added that this practice has greatly improved her relationship with food.
“In the past, I would sometimes restrict my diet in order to look a certain way,” she said. “I’ve since let go of that idea, realizing that I should instead eat until the crushing sadness lifts a little, offering a brief reprieve from the darkness that has engulfed my life.”
She continued, saying, “I used to fear food, but now I worship it as my god.”
Sources confirmed that Audrey’s entire mentality around food has shifted in recent months. Specifically, ever since she and her ex broke up.
“She’s really taken to preaching about how we shouldn’t restrict ourselves from eating if we’re hungry, or force ourselves to finish our plates if we’re not,” said Audrey’s roommate Shayda. “Which would be great if she didn’t also follow up those sentiments by saying, ‘Just eat until you can no longer feel the icy sting of rejection, Shayda’ or ‘Eat until you can’t even remember that your ex dumped you on your birthday, Shayda.’”
Shayda added that she’s in a loving, long-term relationship, and that it’s super obvious that Audrey is projecting.
Although experts made it clear that they don’t consider what Audrey is doing to be “intuitive eating” at all, Audrey disagreed.
“I googled intuitive eating, I think I know what it is,” she told reporters. “It’s all about acknowledging hunger along with recognizing and responding to fullness. It’s just that the ‘fullness’ that I’m recognizing and responding to isn’t a physical feeling, but rather an emotional one. I eat until my heart doesn’t feel empty anymore, until my soul goes from feeling starved to nourished.”
Sounds pretty intuitive to us!
As of press time, Audrey hadn’t changed her stance on intuitive eating. However she was finding it harder and harder to feel “full,” which reporters speculated might have something to do with the fact that Shayda and her girlfriend were watching a movie on the couch together.
