‘I’m Here For You,’ Says Boss Who Can Never Remember Your Name

In the private chat of a work Zoom meeting last Thursday, your boss Leland Miller went out of his way to make sure you know that he’s here for you, despite never, ever remembering your name on the first try.


“I just want you to know that I hear you,” said Leland, who you have to correct every time he addresses you. “You are seen and you are heard here.”


Leland, who has assigned you essentially every name in the 1991 Top 50 list of baby names, went on to express just how here for you he is.


“Anything you need, all you have to do is ask,” said Leland in a complete 180 from his normal MO of ignoring things you need which you ask for. “I’ll do whatever I can to make sure you get it.”


“Just make sure you go through my assistant,” he added.


Other coworkers echoed Leland’s sentiments.



“You’ve had my back so many times over the years, so the least I can do is have yours for the first time now,” said Katherine Duplass. “I owe you!”


“Yeah, remember that time I forgot my wallet and you paid for my sushi?” said Reed Krasstein, confusing you with the other Black woman in your office. “You’re such a valued coworker.”


No word on how much of your boss and coworkers’ empty sentiments were plagiarized from the company wide Black Lives Matter form email.