After my long-term boyfriend Dave broke up with me and my dog Periwinkle died just a few weeks later, I was in a dark place, At 33 years old, I really thought my life was over. But then one day while I was lying in bed on my phone, I saw a Facebook ad for L’Oreal that read, “Take your lashes to Paradise.” Paradise? Was it too good to be true? And that’s when I knew what I had to do: I packed my bags and booked a ticket to L’Oreal’s Lash Paradise, and honestly, it’s fucking amazing.
Whenever I tell people I moved, they think it’s crazy that I literally sold all my possessions and left my studio in Chicago for a gorgeous French mansion in L’Oreal’s Lash Paradise. The joke’s on them, because right now I’m lying on a beach chair, wrapped in a towel made of crepe batter, not thinking about my dumb ex, Dave, or my dead dog. And yeah – my lashes look fucking amazing!!
When my sister Arlene was let go from her landscaping job last month, I insisted she come live with me here…in Paradise. That is something I never would have offered before moving to this incredible French makeup island. Goes to show you, when you’re relaxed and happy and have amazing fucking eyelashes, you’re able to show more love.
Arlene was like, “What the fuck are you talking about? L’Oreal sells mascara at Walgreens!” Sure, but do they also have this gorgeous island off the coast of France where I pick apples and hot men fan me? The answer is “yes, and I don’t understand why other people haven’t made a similar choice!”
Sure, I’ve had to adjust to this new lifestyle without Dave or my lil’ pup. Before I lost both of them, Dave and I would spend Sundays taking Periwinkle to the dog park and eating omelettes. Now, on Sundays I wake up in my sun-soaked mansion in Voluminous Mascara Paradise, slip on a cloth dress and dance my way down to the beach where I dip my toes into the Mediterranean and eat fresh crab. And did I mention that my lashes look fucking AMAZE?!
A lot of my friends don’t understand why I abandoned everything to live on this island with its complimentary night creams and rosé fountains. But I just tell them I made a gut decision and I’m the prettiest I’ve ever been. Plus, everyone gets their own personal hammock here which would NEVER happen in Chicago.
To say moving to L’Oreal’s Lash Paradise saved me would be an understatement. But, then again, the most beautiful things in life are, n’est ce pas?
