Last weekend, I was enjoying my favorite pastime: hate-scrolling my least favorite celebrity’s Instagram. But when I opened Instagram, my single moment of joy for the day was rudely interrupted when I saw a photo of her…lowkey slaying?!
I couldn’t even hate — she looked good.
My chest started to ache with feelings of hurt and disgust. As I was overcome with a deep rage, I wondered, how could she do this to us? Nay – how could she do this to me?
Hating on her has always been easy, because she sucks. The frequency with which the phrase “giving us nothing” appears next to her name on Twitter is evidence enough. Though it’s been years since her flops and controversies, I return to her Instagram just to lurk from time to time. I was in search of a cringey post to make me feel better about myself, and instead I found a photo of her serving a light slay.
What the fuck! Who gave her the right?
If this Instagram post was a math equation it would be a 4+4, because she eight. I searched the photos for a flaw, but her face was beat to perfection and her outfits were lowkey sickening. Before I could even catch myself, the words slipped out of my mouth, “Why is she kind of slaying a little bit?”
My hand immediately covered my mouth, I couldn’t believe I would utter such words. It felt wrong. Faced with my own contradictions, I had to ask myself: Why was I so incensed by her minor slayage?
Don’t get me wrong, she is still not that girl, but maybe she’s on to something. Simply put, the sheer impact of this slay was incalculable, and I raced to the comments, my last hope. “Wait…why is she kind of slaying?” a commenter echoed. There, I saw confirmation that I was not alone, everyone else was equally gagged that she managed to produce such a serve.
My least favorite celebrity is in a new era, she has evolved into something bigger, something too powerful. The outcomes of this slay were major – then and there, I realized that I needed to change my outlook on life. I have come to realize even the most unlikable people can have a moment of slayage. There in my bedroom at 2 a.m., my greatest fear came true… I had no other choice but to stan.