I rarely host parties, but when I do, I take great pains to curate a playlist that showcases my unique music taste – the kind of taste that will make my friends say, “Wow, I really underestimated you, and actually, I’m in love.”
The long-awaited day arrived, and everything was going according to plan: My friends were having a great time, the party had reached its peak, and the music was – dare I say it – perfect. We were coming up on my favorite song, an unknown indie band’s synth pop rendition of “Doo Wop (That Thing),” and I was practically giddy with excitement, ready to field compliments left and right. But then the first few notes played, and everything went horribly wrong: Everyone kept fucking talking.
What the fuck? Shut up! My song is on, you fools! My perfect song!
I’d pictured this moment for weeks, and in my mind’s eye, it would be executed flawlessly. The first few notes of the song would start, and everyone would be simply floored, stunned into silence. Conversations would cease, everyone would close their eyes, and a few people would whisper, “wow,” under their breath. My close friends would clap me on the back and not say anything, per se, but the look in their eyes would convey that they were proud of me. My crush would walk over and kiss me right on the lips. My enemy would walk over and kiss me right on the lips, too, but in a way that shows deference, like kissing the ring of a mob leader.
Instead, everyone just kept fucking talking? When I realized what was happening, I started the song over, hoping desperately that upon the second listen, everyone would finally realize my genius. But if anything, the party just got louder.
I wish I could say that I played it cool, but I was fucking furious. Talking? Over my goddamn song? Not on my watch. I started sprinting around the edges of the party, yelling at everyone to shut up and take in the moment, slapping red solo cups out of hands in a way that, in retrospect, I do regret. Everyone was stunned into silence – at last, sweet silence – but by then, song was practically over. I came back to consciousness and realized what I’d done, but it was already painfully awkward.
There was only one thing to do: start the song again, and hope everyone would like it this time. Turns out, they did! Yay!
