I Lived It: Alison Used My Birthday Party to Show Everyone Her New Belly Button Piercing

I Lived it:

We’ve all, at one time or another, experienced the injustice of having our thunder stolen. I am no stranger to being upstaged by the selfish displays of attention opportunists, and I thought I had seen it all, but then one day, it happened: Alison used my birthday party to show everyone her new belly button piercing.


The day of my birthday party, I awoke in a serene state. I felt restored, hopeful, and excited to see all my friends at an event intended to celebrate my existence. Clearly, I had no idea of the treachery that was in store. I wish I could travel back in time and tell that sweet, happy girl to take cover, because rough seas lie ahead.


As a summer baby, I saw it fit to host a pool party where my guests could take a dip, then mingle and regale each other with anecdotes of their favorite friendship memories with me or funny things I’ve said in the past. However, I soon learned that the best laid plans of birthday queens often go awry, because within twenty minutes of festivities ensuing, my “friend” Alison arrived, and essentially shut shit down.


That’s right. Alison promptly announced that she actually couldn’t get in the pool because she just got her belly button pierced the week before. As if that attention grab wasn’t enough, Alison then proceeded to strip down to her bathing suit and make everyone look at her new belly button ring like it was fucking show and tell time at the School of Bitches.


Suddenly everyone was asking Alison questions like “did it hurt?” and calling her “brave” and “trail-blazing.”


What kind of an evil witch uses someone else’s birthday party as the opening act for her one woman navel jewelry show? Just sit there quietly and dip your feet in the water like an eighth grader with her period! You don’t get to monopolize a day that is about me just because you have something new and exciting in your life. McKenzie had a baby last month, and she didn’t mention it once the whole party. That’s called respect.


Unfortunately, Alison did end up in the pool because I pushed her in after I accidentally forgot she wasn’t supposed to swim.


Sorry, Alison! I hope I didn’t ruin your personal, special thing!