We’ve all been there: Stuck in a bridal suite on the eve of our wedding, wondering who the hell your dad is and pouring through Mom’s old journals to try to figure out who she might have been fucking the year before you were born.
Well, I did it! I invited three strangers to my wedding with the hope of figuring out which of them might be my dad.
Some people would question the ethics of inviting a guy to your wedding under the guise that it’s actually your mom inviting them and that maybe she’s interested in another hot hookup to reminisce about the good old days. Some would question the ethics even further when they find out it’s actually three guys and not just one. Those people asking those questions are my friends and don’t worry, I explained myself to them in song.
Oh, you wanna hear the song?
Well, you can’t really hear this but it goes “honey, honey, how he thrills me…” Yeah I know it makes sense out of context. I guess it didn’t really make sense in context. Imagine I’m holding my mom’s diary from decades ago. Trust me it was fun.
Anyways, inviting all these random guys to my wedding was a bit of a mess. I stuffed them in my mom’s dirty old attic room but my mom found them and was a bit freaked. And then me and my fiancé were fighting ’cause he was like, “WTF are you doing? Are you insane?!”
Not really! I just watch a lot of reality television, I guess.
Anyways, I still think it was a good idea. We all kinda sang at each other and everything worked out. I don’t wanna spoil too much for you but let’s just say mom’s still got some fuck left in her, and I have three dads instead of one now!