I Don’t Care Who My Daughter Brings Home, as Long as They Don’t Wear Skinny Jeans

Many parents react to their child’s coming out based on a lifetime steeped in homophobic culture. Before I was even a mother, I knew if ever had gay children, that I’d love them unconditionally and it would never be a family secret. Then I saw the teens of Glow Up University TikTok declare that skinny jeans are over and I thought, “trueee.”


That’s why I don’t care who my daughter brings home, so long as they’re not some aging millennial who wears skinny jeans.


It’s important to me, as a mother, that my children get all the support they need to be happy. Rather than fighting over what’s normal vs. what’s norm, I’d rather just celebrate my daughter’s capacity for love, which better not include anyone in skin-tight pants that were popular in the 2010s because I know I raised her better than that.


Sexuality is explorative. My daughter will always be a younger version of who she will be. But if a day comes where she tries to introduce me to some Old who wears skinny jeans, then I’ll certainly be having a word.


Pardon my language, but put some fucking respect in your wardrobe before you step into my home.



I used to see social issues as good/bad or faithful/sinful, so I get how daunting it must feel for my daughter to grapple with her sexuality, especially during that huge “meet the parents” moment. And I’ve seen how happy LGBTQ people are once they are allowed to express themselves freely. I just want my daughter’s life to be promising and her partner’s legs to be breathable and trendy.


Breaking through denial and clarifying confusion doesn’t happen overnight. If it comes down to it, I will consider counseling (just to clarify: not conversion counseling for my daughter, just intensive psychotherapy for myself so I can process why she brought such a flop look into my home and where I failed as a mother). I just know, if something so hideous were to happen in my home, then it’s not my fault and I should make sure my daughter knows I care about her too much to let her love some skinny-jeaned little fuck and – god forbid – a side part.