Did someone ask you a question you already answered a hundred times before, take credit for a comment you made earlier in the meeting, or completely ignore your request? Do you want to remind them of this reality, but can’t risk coming off as a terrible person? We’ve been there! Here are some tips and tricks for when you want to say, “like I said earlier” without sounding like an absolute raging bitch.
Profusely apologize before and after your statement.
If there is one thing that non-men are not allowed to do, it’s to be assertive! Repeat phrases like, “Sorry, not to come off as a bitch…” or “No worries at all, no don’t apologize, really it’s fine!” The more time and energy you spend couching your comment in gentle terms the better. You should be punished for this unfortunately necessary self-advocacy!
Self-deprecate
A self-deprecating joke or comment will disarm whoever you are speaking to. Humor is an excellent way to soften a message. They’ll be too busy laughing that their mind won’t immediately jump to any stereotypes about nagging women and hateful shrews that exist in our society. Plus, a bitch would never make fun of themselves! Just say things like “I do tend to be soft-spoken. It’s like I’m a field mouse sometimes, ahaha! I’ll definitely work on that.” It’s good to make this about your own shortcomings so no one has their feelings hurt – this, too, is your problem!
Have a stenographer follow you around – just make sure they are a man
Men are allowed to sound like assholes! It is actually one of their defining characteristics. So, hire a stenographer to take note of every comment you have ever made and have them read it out whenever someone refuses to take your word on anything. Since the word of a man is gospel in the 21st century, you can get your point across without compromising your reputation. Of course, you’ll have to pay him out of your own salary, which is already less than that of the white guy who got credit for your point earlier, but that’s the cost of doing business, baby.
In a world where only white men are allowed to speak without the fear of coming off as an asshole, it can be difficult for the rest of us to navigate everyday conversations. So, try out these tips to avoid being socially exiled, fired, or even killed for showing any form of human frustration!
