5 Things to Say About Your Friend’s Baby Without Sounding like the Insane Childless Monster You Are

It could happen at a baby shower, a wedding, or your favorite local coffee shop on a peaceful Sunday morning: you bump into that friend and that baby she just birthed. We know it’s hard to find the right way to tell a baby, “I don’t know why you were sent to my friend’s womb and not to mine.” Here are a few things you can say without sounding like the aging, childless monstrosity that you really are:


Compliment the baby’s style.

Parents put a lot of work into getting their baby dressed, so make sure they know you appreciate their efforts. Something simple, like, “Look at those tiny shoes! I’m now 45 and adoption is fraught with problematic elements!” Then tickle those little baby feet!


Mention a specific feature and how it resembles the parents.

People love being reminded that they are related to their baby. Point out a facial feature and connect it to one of the parents. Try, “He has your eyes! I have my mother’s tilted uterus.”



Comment on the overall growth of the baby.

Make sure you notice the astounding, increasing size of this baby. “She has grown so much since the last time I was reminded of the all the babies you have.” She has three babies!


When in doubt, say it’s a baby.

Point and announce, “That, right there, is a baby!” It’s a win-win – they’ll be flattered you noticed their pride and joy, and you don’t have to even say a specific thing about the baby.


Compliment the baby’s intelligence.

Anyone can compliment an infant’s appearance – it takes a special person to appreciate his unique awareness of the world. After the little tyke signs, “I’m hungry,” exclaim, “Your baby is so smart! Probably smart enough to call 911 if he were kidnapped! I’ve worked this over in my mind several times!”


With this guide, your mother friends will be absolutely terrified of how good you are at talking to babies. Now, get ready for some play dates!