How To Say You’re Doing Well Without Being A Huge Bitch

It’s no secret that the sexiest thing you can wear is confidence. But confidence can also be intimidating to both men and women alike. So even if you’re doing fantastic and would love to talk about it, we have a few tips to tone down your excitement so you don’t come off as a a huuuuge bitch.


Start your answer with “Oh you know, not much, the usual.”

If you’re career is going super well, and someone asks you how you are, make sure you discount every positive thing you’re about to say by starting your response with a negative non-answer that will make you seem like you’re spending every night alone in a very unsuccessful way. Assuring people that’s you’re up to boring and loser-y business as usual will help keep their jealousy at bay and ensure that they don’t think you’re a huge fucking bitch for celebrating the upward momentum into your professional life.


Say, “It’s not as big as it sounds but I am excited.”

Feel free to share the news about your new promotion, gig, or momentous career turning point, but make sure to follow up by downplaying literally all of it. It’s okay to be excited, but if you don’t balance out your excitement with some obvious self-doubt, you’re gonna seem like a the vainglorious monster that everyone knew was deep inside you all along. Variations on this method include, “It’s really no big deal,” and “Honestly anyone could do my job, even an idiot baby.”


Immediately respond with, “Nothing, you?”

Avoid sounding like the biggest bitch alive by simply turning the conversation back onto the person who asked you how you were doing in the first place. For bonus points here, make a self-deprecating joke about how much free time you have, or how your full time job is “eating too many snacks.”



Leave the conversation and the room by screaming, “Whoa what is that?!”

You don’t want to accidentally let it slip that you’re happy and successful and enjoying life, because that’s a serious bitch move and everyone will know it. So avoid the question all together by shouting, “Whoa what is that?!” and then swiftly exiting the room you’re in so that nobody will have the opportunity to judge you for the huge bitch you are.


Striking the perfect balance between confident woman and big bad bitch is basically impossible. So tone down your totally understandable excitement, or simply never mention yourself or your accomplishments by using these helpful answers instead!