People dread going to the doctor for all kinds of reasons. Some people hate shots, while others live in paralyzing fear of getting super horned up when their doctor asks about their sexual history. It’s human nature to become insatiably aroused upon remembering that sex is a thing, but fear not. Here’s how to recall the number of sexual partners you’ve had and remain not horny at the doctors’ office.
Memorize your number of sexual partners ahead of time.
Ideally, do this count at home, or perhaps in a single-stall public restroom if necessary. You can even write the number on your hand in permanent marker so when your doctor asks the dreaded question, you can reference your palm, shout your number and immediately continue to the next question. Accidental horniness avoided!
If you can’t remember, just guesstimate.
While it’s preferred you tell your doctor exactly how many people you’ve banged in your life, it’s better to make up a rough estimate than to sit there and count ‘em all in your head, which will inevitably inspire irrefutable horniness 90% of the time. Sorry doc, but sex is just so hot!
Think about something entirely non-sexual.
The sheer memory of that guy Henry you banged during senior week is enough to warrant a flash flood warning in your doctor’s office, so if you feel yourself getting lost in steamy memories, just think about an inanimate object like a jar of sand or a paper plate. You know, one you couldn’t stick inside yourself if you tried.
Shriek at the top of your lungs.
Your doctor will most likely assume there’s something very wrong with you, but as long as it distracts her from Niagara Falls’ imminent arrival at her place of work, that’s a good thing! Make your shriek as high-pitched as possible, so as not to unleash a guttural, sexual moan by accident.
Try these tricks, but if you find yourself sopping wet in your paper gown, thus compromising its structural integrity, don’t be embarrassed. Be honest with your doctor and say, “Doctor, I’m so sorry, but I’m horned up.” She’ll get it!
