A modern, free-spirited woman allows fate to lead her to love. Just like in the movie Serendipity, you can’t control serendipity! But you know in the next week or so, you’ll be going to a birthday party where you won’t have to wake up early the next day and that won’t be during your period. So don’t delay—prepare now for the spontaneous hookup of your dreams:
Step 1: Clean your entire house. There’s nothing worse than meeting Mr. Right and then not even talking to him because your room is a mess. Allow at least 12 hours to deep clean your room, as well as your bathroom and all visible areas leading to the bedroom. You should probably rent a rug shampooer. Your hookup will see your award-winningly clean pad and think, “I have such a boner.”
Step 2: Wax everything. Book your waxing appointment two weeks in advance and make sure to allow two to three days prior to the hookup for your skin to heal. If you have your waxing appointment too early though, you will get stubble and might as well stay home with a bag over your head.
Step 3: Stock your fridge. A good hookup always has the perfect food and drink pairing. Buy booze and snacks for every taste preference the lucky guy might have. It isn’t only responsible, it is necessary to have a variety of pre-cut and washed fruits and a cracker and cheese board ready in the fridge for when you drunkenly stumble into your place after making out in the cab. Don’t forget about breakfast. Sweet and savory breakfast options if you want this night to be totally off-the-cuff! Just going out for brunch the next morning is for boring “girlfriends.” You’re just having fun!
Step 4: Buy a new outfit. If you wait till the day of your brush with fate, you’ll probably rush and settle on a peasant dress from Forever 21, which is a rookie mistake. Block out an entire weekend to search for the perfect old thing to just throw on before you walk out the door.
Step 5: Lose 5 pounds. Studies show that everyone could afford to lose 5 pounds. To do so at the healthy rate of a pound a week, cut back on simple carbohydrates, exercise regularly, and drink more water for about a month before your unplanned night of pleasure.
Step 6: Journal. You don’t want to enter a night of spontaneous passion without a clear head. Even if you feel emotionally stable, journaling every day for three to four weeks can allow you to emotionally prepare for the sex you may or may not have.
Step 7: Make sure things are good with all your exes. Do you have any emotional baggage left over for past relationships? That’s no way to be right before an impromptu, meaningless hookup. Call up everyone you’ve been in a relationship with in the past and get the closure you need. Have a good cry, do some restorative yoga, then wait a month before talking to any men to make sure you’re really ready for random sex with a stranger.
It’s been a year of prep and you’re finally ready for your spontaneous hook-up! Let destiny, or whoever’s left in the bar, be your guide.
