Weddings are a beautiful thing. But the vow portion can be a little much, especially when it’s your own dumb fiancé reading his vows about you. If you’re cringing at having to hear him go on and on about how much he loves and cherishes your life together, you’ll naturally wanna turn to your gals and make a big old jerk-off motion. But DON’T! This is actually considered very poor wedding etiquette. Here’s how not to mock him by miming male masturbation.
Tune him out completely.
If you can tune out the loving words of your fiancé, you might be able to get through the ceremony without making a jerk off motion towards your bridesmaids. Sing a song in your head and think about all the fun stuff you and the girls are gonna do on the dance floor later, like humping each other and laughing at your new husband’s stupid bow tie. Ugh, he is so embarrassing!
Every time he says, “I take you,” just imagine he’s talking about sex.
Pretending he’s talking about sex instead of loving you is less awkward and requires less emotional receptivity on your part. Also, it’ll help you not make a big jerk-off motion where you pretend to spray cum wildly with your fingers. Let these dirty thoughts put a smile on your face, that’ll read as loving engagement on your part, instead of the behavior of someone too emotionally immature to be mentally present at her own wedding!
Try to remember your own vows.
Use this time to try to focus on remembering the vows you’re supposed to say to him. You don’t want to fuck them up and also you don’t want to get so embarrassed by what he’s saying that you look at your maid of honor and do your grossest cum-face, as you mime jerking off in front of both of your families. Trust us: Most people, especially your fiancé, will not think this is a funny thing to do right now.
Staying serious during your husband’s wedding vows is hard. No matter how much you want to poke fun at his cheesy proclamations of love, DO NOT mime jerk -off motions to your bridesmaids! Seriously!!
