If you want good smelling, all-natural, affordable hair care, you have literally hundreds of options that you can all buy from a store. Yet the ingredients are pretty simple, and can be made at home, if that’s what you wanted to do for some reason. Here’s how to make your own shampoo at home, if that’s the kind of thing that you’re into, I guess:
Step One: Get a large mixing bowl
At this point, you could still choose not to make shampoo. You could make homemade cookies or brownies or Jell-O and just buy shampoo like everyone else. But if for some reason, creating your own amateur hair product seems like it would be more rewarding than any of those things, by all means, grab a large mixing bowl.
Step Two: Add 2 cups water
Water is a major ingredient in shampoo. When people ask you about your shampoo, you will say, “Actually, it’s mostly water,” at which point their eyes will glaze over, because it’s like, “How did we get to the point where you made shampoo and I have to listen about how you did it?”
Step Three: Mix in ¼ cup Liquid Castile soap
Guess what? There’s soap in this. So you have to go out and buy soap, which is located on the other side of the aisle from, guess what? Shampoo. If you really want to do this, walk right past the shampoo and get the soap.
Step Four: Add a dash of vegetable canola oil, then mix in 1 cup coconut milk.
If you’re really trying to prove something, just keep going and add these simple ingredients. You can either buy canned coconut milk or you can make it from scratch, you fucking maniac.
Step Six: Add essential oils of your choice (no more than 1 tsp each)
You can select from a range of oils: peppermint, lavender, rosemary if for some reason this is exciting to you. Does this make you feel like you have some sort of control in a cruel and chaotic world? Do you know how much essential oils cost? You cannot buy just one teaspoon of them. You have to buy a lot and then presumably make shampoo for the rest of your life.
Step Seven: Blend
After stirring two minutes with an electric mixer, you will have, tada, shampoo if that’s what you really want. Now you can put it in a mason jar with a special, homemade label bearing some cute play on your name like “Sham-Polly” or “Jan-poo” and hopefully it will fill the gaping void in your life… if that’s what you want.
You just made your own shampoo! You just saved, like, four dollars. Were you trying to make some kind of point? Keep up the good work, if that’s what you insist on doing.