The “no poo” movement has swept the nation lately, as thousands of consumers sing the praises of ditching shampoo altogether. But now, there may be a previously unconsidered option for those not quite ready to completely give up the suds: secretly using their roommate’s shampoo on a regular basis.
For most women, the idea of consistently thieving from the person they live with might seem absurd, or even immoral. However, a consumer report released this month has indicated that, by stealing small amounts of their roommate’s shampoo indefinitely, shoppers could save up to $300 dollars every year. For the average American, that’s a pretty penny worth stealing.
“This is something that is going to be incredibly important to a lot of people,” says lead researcher Dr. Michael Dirk. “People shouldn’t have to waste their hard-earned money on products that are already in their homes, especially when they’re already paid for. It’s simple home economics.”
Beauty insiders agree: nothing works better than stealing your roommate’s shampoo. “I can’t remember the last time I bought shampoo, and my hair has honestly never looked as good as it does now,” says Regina Lewis, a 27-year-old grad student living in Austin, Texas. “I get compliments and passive-aggressive notes from my roommate all the time!”
For years, Lewis claims, she tried the “no poo” method and natural products such as Dr. Bronner’s and baking soda as money-saving substitutes for shampoo, but nothing has saved her nearly as much money as the shampoo used by her roommate, Allison.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t understand why we would possibly need two shampoos for the same shower,” she tells us, eating chips on Allison’s bed where she claims the wi-fi connection is better. “If she’s going to buy it, why is it such a crime for me to use it? Seriously, someone please explain that to me.”
Lewis says she was stealing her roommate’s shampoo long before “no poo” became a trend; however, their recent gain in popularity has supplied a convenient excuse as to why she never has her own shampoo in the shower.
While she’s not sure if Allison has begun to catch on, she claims her plan has gone off mostly without a hitch. “Every once in a while I catch her sniffing me with a suspicious look on her face,” she admits. “But I just try to stand as motionless as possible and not react. She’s never said anything directly.”
Researchers predict that this discovery could soon branch out to include savings on a variety of everyday items, such as soap, conditioner, clothing, Q-Tips, feminine products, and food.
“I use my roommate’s toothbrush every single day,” says one wide-eyed woman, who wishes to remain anonymous. “It makes me feel like a god.”
Regina hopes that stealing ones roommate’s shampoo becomes part of the mainstream. “I don’t understand why more people don’t do it,” concludes Lewis, who has been through six roommates in the past year and a half. “Wean yourself off of buying your own shampoo now! I’m telling you, you’ll never look back.”
Not sure if the “free poo” movement is right for you? Here are some straight facts to change your mind:
- Shampoo is bad for the environment, so buying your own is even worse. Don’t you love trees?
- Stealing shampoo doesn’t make you a bad person; buying shampoo makes you a bad person.
- Your roommate’s shampoo is most likely expensive and smells nice.
- Shampoo is completely unnecessary to buy for yourself when your roommate has plenty.
- Only 45% of people will mark their shampoo bottles if they suspect you’re stealing it.
- Your roommate was mean that one time so she basically owes you.
While you decide whether or not to take the plunge, there are plenty of women among us who are loving their choice to furtively steal hair soap. “I do think of myself as a hero, thank you, yes,” says Lewis, unprompted.
“It was the best move for my hair I’ve ever made.” Lewis smiles softly, adding, “My only regret is not stealing from her sooner.”