When you’re juggling a hundred things at once, it can be hard to keep track of the important things in life – like your vape pen in the squishiest corner booth at Panera. But just because you left your Pax Era Pro at America’s #1 Bakery Cafe doesn’t mean you’re not entitled to self-love! If the employees at Panera swear they haven’t seen your vape (even though their eyes are suddenly bloodshot and they reek of Blue Raz Cotton Candy), there are a few ways to show yourself love that don’t involve getting high over a cream-based soup:
Sign up for therapy, but don’t lose your therapist’s respect by telling her exactly what happened.
Therapy is an incredibly effective form of self-love, especially when you repeatedly lie to your therapist so she validates how cool you are. Try replacing “I lost my vape pen” with “I lost a loved one” and see where it takes you. Or just use therapy as a time to talk about how hard it is for you to have no solution to wealth disparity and your feelings about being a cog in the machine. This will make you seem hip and informed, assuring your therapist’s approval and increasing your sense of self-worth
Instead of eating deliciously, live deliciously.
It will likely be too triggering to return to Panera at this time, so instead of following their ethos to “eat deliciously” why not embrace a motto of LIVING deliciously? The practice of “living deliciously” will differ from person to person, but typically involves calling baths “long soaks” and using words like “sumptuous” to describe furniture. Of course, this would all be a lot more indulgent if you still had your vape pen, but here you are.
Get in some serious BFF time now that you can’t vape constantly.
We get it. The devastatingly beautiful 20-year-old who sold you your PAX Era Pro showed you all the cool things you could do with the PAX App for iPhone, and then everyone started really hating who you had become as a person. Without your vape pen in your life, you can rebuild those precious friendships around meaningful conversations, old memories, and a giant app-free bong.
Take on new hobbies, like JUUL-ing at Au Bon Pain.
Now is the time to reinvent yourself! This is your only chance!
While it may seem counterintuitive, there are a lot of ways to love yourself without a vape pen in one hand and a Bacon Turkey Bravo in the other. Sure, at Panera, your cup is always full of unlimited premium coffee, but in life, it’s overflowing with new ways to be a better you – at least, until you can afford a new vape.