You swiped right on a picture of a handsome blonde man looking slightly down and to the left. Something in his face seemed warm, safe, familiar…and completely related to you on your mother’s side because that dude was your cousin. Here’s how to get through that thing at Aunt Maureen’s house since you both know that for a fleeting moment you wanted to fuck each other.
Know That Your Feelings are Backed by Science Sort Of
Remember that science says we’re attracted to people who look like us so it’s not weird-weird that you’d find your cousin hot for literally one second. You’re genetically predisposed to want to mate with someone who has high cheekbones if you do too and god damn, Teddy had nice cheekbones in his profile picture. So, you know, it’s totally natural. Kind of.
Call Yourself Old-Fashioned
People used to date their cousins all the time in the olden days. If this were 1816, your parents would encourage you to date. So what if the reason why people used to date family is because they had limited access to a wider dating pool? I mean, look at him! Your superficial attraction was totally socially acceptable at some point in time, and it’s technically not a crime, so cling to that.
Put the Blame on Him
In order for you to match, he had to swipe right on you, too. So WTF is up with your pervy cousin swiping right on someone he knows he’s related to? That’s so weird and gross that he would do that!! What he did is totally different than what you did!
Make a Joke of It!
Pretend like you ironically swiped right because you knew it was Teddy the entire time. Sometimes when you see your friend you swipe right to see if you match, so why can’t this be the same thing? So what if you’re not actually friends with Teddy and you never talk during the year? Ha ha! What a funny joke to play!
Pretend it Didn’t Happen
You were casually going through Tinder and you swiped by accident, probably. So what if you were perfectly sober; it’s not like it means something. Except for the fact that you only swipe right if the dude’s profile seems interesting to you and it was really cool that this guy played hockey and, fuck, he has nice arms and seems like he would be a really good father!
It’s time to face the fact that your silly cousin Teddy who used to punch you in the arm when he was a boy has now grown into a full-blown man. So maybe you should unmatch with him, instead of leaving the match sitting there for three whole weeks?
