We’ve all been there: at our wits’ end, piles of clothes on the floor, and all because our look is just not coming together. Well, girlfriend, you don’t just need new clothes, you just need a new kind of clothes—clothes that cost most of your paycheck but also look super laid-back and also like you might go boating.
Luckily, we’ve got the step-by-step guide to help you put together a wardrobe that says, “Ahem, ahoy, but whatever.”
Choose sunwashed, beachy colors.
Bright colors are so landlocked. Instead, you’re going to want to focus all your energy (and money!) on mints, off-whites, and peachy salmons. Sure, that sleeveless dress cost you half a month’s rent, but nothing beats the bourgeois appearance of crinkled linen. People will totally assume it got wrinkled while you were casually hoisting a sail, on the boat you casually own.
Ditch the purse and carry a giant tote instead.
People around you are going to be all, “What’s in her bag? A fishing pole?” and “Why’s it so big? To fit a fishing pole?” and “Is she on her way to a glamorous fishing trip?” The best part is, since your new persona is breezier than the Cape Cod coastal winds, but with the added elegance of someone who can afford to sit and take in those same winds.
Hats, hats, hats!
A giant sunhat! A classy, woven baseball cap! A hand-woven panama hat! Whatever woven hat you choose, you’re going to want to make sure that it blocks out the sun and also the reality that you are rarely on boats. Hats keep wind-blown hair looking sleek and keep up the impression that you spend pampered days floating around in the sun but can easily clean up for a night out in the Hamptons.
Layers are your friend.
Nothing makes you look more effortless than having a cashmere sweater tied around your shoulders for when the finicky seaside temperatures drop. Bonus: a $300 sweater is perfect for maintaining the illusion that you might have just fired one of your yacht staff and it sure took a lot out of you. This is easy!
Don’t forget your accessories!
Sure, you’re just running to Target to get shampoo, but the landlubbers around you don’t have to know that! A lightweight gauzy scarf and designer sunglasses will lead the other customers to believe you’ve been living on raw oysters and white wine spritzers. Land-ho!
Remember, it’s not about being trendy, it’s about wowing everyone with your polished yet casual yet seafaring look that implies you watch every sunset from a dockside bar. Anchors away!
