Leaving a voicemail can be a fun way to let a loved one know you’re thinking of them, to relay important information, or to urgently demand someone call you back. However, it’s also easy to view a voicemail as an everlasting digital record of your voice that those you love can listen to after you’ve passed on. If you’re not careful, this idea could get in the way of you ever leaving an authentic voicemail, and could very well start to be the only reason you’re leaving voicemails, which is something your loved ones will see through immediately. Here’s how to leave a normal, casual voicemail without imagining the recipient listening to it after you’ve died.
Don’t picture uplifting music accompanying your voicemail.
This isn’t a Hallmark movie. No one is going to be listening to your voicemail posthumously while crying bittersweet happy tears indicative of their undying love for you while “Closing Time” by Semisonic plays softly in the background. So get that out of your head, and just leave the damn voicemail like a normal person. There’s nothing sentimental about saying, “We were supposed to meet at 5, right? It’s 6 right now, where are you?” So stop pretending there is. And if we’re being honest, there’s a slim chance of anyone actually listening to this voicemail, whether you’re alive or dead.
Refrain from adding sweet little tender details.
Try to withstand the urge to insert anything into your voicemail that would, hypothetically, mean a lot to your loved one if you passed. That’s right, no unnecessary “I love you”s or “I miss you”s or “I’ve been thinking a lot about the way things ended”s – nobody wants to hear that now, let alone after you’ve been long-buried. Keep it simple. “Hey, call me back” is perfectly acceptable, and, honestly, preferable. And don’t do any of those long, anticipation-filled pauses where you can’t tell if the voicemail ended or not. Just end the voicemail and save everyone some time to spare before they die, too.
Think about why you’re leaving so many voicemails in the first place.
Take a second and think about why you’re leaving so many voicemails to begin with – people aren’t answering your calls, babe. Take the hint. Just this thought alone should help you keep your voicemails devoid of any of the superfluous details that you’d secretly hope one would find meaning in after your untimely and tragic death.
So, go ahead and leave those voicemails – but exercise caution, and remember that in all likelihood, no one is going to be listening to them after you’re dead. And while you’re at it, stop imagining your voicemail as the intro for a renowned rap album. You don’t know any rappers like that.
