For many people, masturbation is an important part of sexual wellness, and during a pandemic when safely finding new sex partners is more difficult than ever, it’s certainly not the time to stop wanking. You might be getting older, and your body might be changing, but your pleasure is still your business. So here’s how to keep masturbating even though you totally have your mother’s hands now.
Try a blindfold.
You don’t have to be having sex with a partner to want to spice things up. Try introducing a blindfold to your solo-play to really take things up a notch. The limiting of one sense will heighten the others, plus you won’t be able to look down and realize that your hand skin has gotten all thin and soft exactly like your mother’s. Wow, have you always had the exact same thumbs? On second thought, a blindfold is kind of thin. Maybe just put a pillow over your face and hope the slight oxygen deprivation will get you off while stopping thoughts of your mom’s hand skin from entering your brain.
Use a vibrator.
If you’re struggling to get there, we recommend going automatic. Using a vibrator will put a little distance between your clit and the hands that somehow in the last year transformed into perfect replicas of tied-for-last-place-person-you’d-want-think-about-while-jerking-it, your mom’s. Have you always the same nails? Time to turn that puppy up to max power and just get through this thing.
Change your mindset.
If changing how you masturbate isn’t helping, maybe you need to change your mindset. You’re still your own person and you have every right to go to town on yourself. So what if your hands suddenly look the same as your mom’s, indicating both the inevitably of aging and your genetic destiny to become more and more like her? Should you open a bottle of wine? Oh God, you really are your mother. Well, guess you’ll never have sex with yourself again!
Once upon a time, your mom used her hands to change your diapers, and now you totally have her hands and need to use them to make yourself come. That’s the circle of life! So keep on masturbating, because what else are you going to do? At least you don’t have your dad’s knuckle hair.
