Hosting friends at your place can be a pleasant, warm, connective experience. Gathering those you love all in the same place, plus the added benefit of not having to travel anywhere yourself simply cannot be beat. However, you will need to reckon with the fact that these people will be within viewing distance of all your earthly possessions. Here’s how:
Make it a “kitchen only” type of hang.
Contain the hang to your kitchen plus the area of your apartment that’s directly by the front door. Punish those who wander off. Sure, people might catch a glimpse of your kitchen stuff, but it’s better than them glimpsing your living room or, god forbid, your bedroom.
Invest in canvas drop cloths like painters use.
If you cover everything in your apartment with plain canvas drop cloths, nobody can pass judgment on your things! Wait, will they think it’s weird that you own so many canvas drop cloths? Because technically you own these now, too. Agh, there’s no escaping the prying, curious, good-natured eyes of those you know and love!
Be extremely cagey whenever someone looks at or makes a comment about any of your things.
If your friend checks their reflection in your mirror? Say, “Target, okay? I got it from fucking Target. Happy?” Even if they say something well-intentioned like, “I love your wall decor!” make sure to head them off by saying something cryptic like, “I literally have no idea what you’re talking about.” Even something as innocuous as, “Hey, where’s your bathroom?” could have mocking, or even evil, undertones. Make sure to respond in kind by saying something like, “Should I get my butler to show you where it is?” or “To use the bathroom you have to pay the toll…” They’ll drop the subject and avert their eyes in no time.
Be vulnerable and open yourself up to being known?
Wait, that’s crazy, right? Okay, yeah, it felt weird even to say. Definitely don’t do this. The creepy tarps are a better option than this.
Blindfolds.
Some restaurants do blindfolded dining experiences, right? To enhance the taste of the food, or whatever? Do that at your apartment, even though you’re not hosting a dinner party and this was supposed to be a movie-centric hang.
There you have it! Hopefully the tarps hold up and the blindfolds work because otherwise you’re at risk of creating richer and more intimate bonds with those you hold dearest. Good luck!
