CPAP machines are incredible., life-changing devices that help millions of people who suffer from sleep apnea. However they have one major drawback: they’re humiliating to use if you’re not already in a long-term relationship. So, here’s how you single folks out there can still have the confidence to engage in a one-night stand, even though you have to use your CPAP machine to sleep.
Say you only need to use the machine because the sex you just had was so good.
This method uses a mixture of flattery and pity to ensure your sexual partner has to be okay with you whipping out your CPAP machine at the end of the night. They’ll be flattered that you think they’re really good at sex, but they won’t want to be the monster who unintentionally sexed you to death. Win-win!
Only have sex with other people who have sleep apnea.
This method is foolproof because they will already understand your need to use a CPAP machine and you can avoid the embarrassment of explaining the need for the machine altogether. Plus, this way, whether you have sex at your place or their’s, there will always be a CPAP machine available to use. Plus, at the end of the night, you can spice things up even further by challenging them to a duel over who gets to use the CPAP machine that night.
Work the machine into your foreplay.
Sure, you can be confident and unashamed of your CPAP machine, but why not take it a step further by actually making the machine something sexy to work into your foreplay. Whether it’s roleplaying as a sleep study participant and a sleep study administrator or using the machine as an extremely clinical form of mask play, there are dozens of different ways to get your one night stand from saying “Ew, what is that?” to “What other orifices could we pump oxygen into?”
Risk death by sleeping without your CPAP machine for one night.
It’s better than having the person you just had sex with thinking you’re a loser who can’t even sleep good, right?
There you have it –– four easy methods to use your prescribed CPAP machine while still engaging in one night stands. If all goes well, your CPAP machine might get some too.
