In a world filled with endless stresses and anxieties, being able to maintain a state of unshakeable nonchalance can be an incredible skill to have in your arsenal. But what if you could take it a step further, harnessing and honing the reckless nonchalance of a celebrity carrying a laptop? You’d quite literally be the master of your universe, answering to no one and saying “fuck you” to the laws of physics. Here’s how:
Throw caution to the wind.
This first step in achieving this powerful state of nonchalance is also the most difficult: Give up all precautions you’ve ever taken in your life and just live! Free yourself from the mental constraints that have been holding you back, and adopt an entirely new mindset – one of complete and utter carelessness. Do you care what your coworkers think of you? No, you’re nonchalant as shit! Do you care if your $2,000 MacBook slips out of your grip and shatters on the sidewalk? No! That would be fine and, honestly, preferable.
Disregard any harm that could come to you or your material possessions.
While it can be hard to shake the innate need you have to protect yourself and the things you own from harm, you must do so in order to achieve the respect that accompanies the “I don’t give a fuck mindset” of Ben Affleck using only two fingers to carry his MacBook across hot concrete. Soon, you’ll go from not caring about your expensive laptop, to not caring that you’re two months late on bills, to not caring that you have 17 missed calls from your mom. And that’s good!
Practice exposure therapy.
Walk over a big puddle while balancing your $2,000 MacBook on the palm of your hand. Act like you’re Hilary Duff simultaneously holding a charger, computer, and purse as she exits her car. Pretend like you have the money to easily replace your laptop should it shatter on the sidewalk. Act like your whole life isn’t contained (and not backed up) within its metal walls. If you practice such reckless, borderline self-harming, nonchalance in such high-stakes scenarios, the rest of your life will fall into place as well, solidifying your status as the “deranged and irresponsible one” – and, ultimately, people will respect that!
If you give these tips a shot, you should be existing in a state of perpetual and reckless nonchalance akin to Beyoncé carrying her laptop on the streets of New York between her thumb and forefinger, or Miley Cyrus carrying an iced coffee and laptop in one hand while also fixing her hair. People will go from looking down on you, to both respecting and fearing you. Good luck!
