How to Date Women When Your Hands Are Too Weak For Their Choking Needs

Dating women can be a richly rewarding experience, but what if your hands are too weak to supply them with the erotic asphyxiation they demand? It’s a dilemma as old as sex itself, and a woman-dater of any gender can pay the cost when their mitts aren’t up to snuff. Here’s how to forge on and successfully date women even though your feeble hands can’t meet their chocking needs.


Work on your personality.

If your partner ever asked you to choke her during sex, then said “harder”, then said “never mind”, then it might be time to work on your personality. Qualities such as being a good listener, an intuitive restaurant picker, and a contemporary fiction reader but not in an annoying way can take you a long way while dating a human woman. But of course, the better your personality is, the more she’ll want you to consensually choke her “within an inch of [her] life”, and your phalanges are just too frail! Back to square one…maybe even negative one?


Use both hands.

If you’re striking out tremendously in your quest to deprive your GF of oxygen in the way that she wants, don’t be afraid to go full strangler vibes and place two hands around her deceptively robust neck. She’ll love that you’re trying even though you’re the one going red in the face with exertion while she lays there able to breathe and unperturbed. Can you really not go any harder than that? Is this a psychological thing or are your hand muscles just that weak? Astounding.



Get one of those grip strengthener tools.

Introducing toys into your sex life can also take place off-hours. Ditch the vibrator or the silk tie, and reach instead for one of those weird grip strengthener tools that will make you look like a tiny old dude in physical therapy. With sustained use, one of these bad boys might make your hands beefy enough to adequately choke the little pervert you’re dating, but probably not. At least she can watch you use it as foreplay (not to suggest that all women will find this arousing; we’d never speak on what “all women” want, other than choking).


So use these tips to overcome or workaround your puny, enervated hands and their inability to meet women’s asphyxiation needs. Anyone can give great head; choking is a skill!