How To Be As Good At Fuck/Marry/Kill As Robert Durst

When playing Fuck/Marry/Kill, you always think you own this game. Then Robert Durst comes along and changes it entirely, managing to use all three on one person! You would literally kill someone to be as talented at F/M/K as he is, so here are some hints to help you step your game up and be more like Robert Durst.


Start A Relationship With Someone You Could See Yourself Killing

Pairing Fuck and Marry together is easy enough, but it’s adding Kill into the mix that complicates this tactic. If you want to attach one person to all three, you have to always be ready to kill, especially when taking a lover. Before you say, “I do,” look at them closely and think about whether you want to spend the rest of their life with them. If you have the urge to be there until their very last breath about a year from now, you’ve made the perfect choice.


Be All Loonybins

The key to Durst’s overall success is to be whispering things when people can obviously hear you, and smiling incorrectly. Also, try to make sure your eyes are each individual pits of hell out of which no light can escape. That way, when your F/M/K victim looks at you, she won’t know which of the three you’re going to try first (probably fuck!).



Be Crazy Rich

Luckily, ridiculously rich people get to do whatever they want! So go ahead and have all the money. This will help you fuck and marry well before you go out and kill. BAM! This method is both efficient and fun!


Be An Actual Murderer

Be someone who murders people so that the last element of the game (Kill) seems to be no challenge at all. That kind of confidence will intimidate your opponent out of asking too many questions without a camera crew present.


Surpass Him With Consistency

Robert Durst was a one-hit wonder. Sure he killed possibly an infinite number of people, but he was only able to conquer that Fuck/Marry/Kill hurdle the one time. After that he went from hero to old-news, just murdering friends and acquaintances. Since there’s no Like/Befriend/Kill game, go for F/M/K gold by nailing it more than once. You’ll be a legend.


So if you’ve always struggled with Fuck/Marry/Kill (how do you pick between Idris Elba and Jon Hamm???) then try your hand at this amazing new method, and you’ll always come in Durst place!