With prices rising and wages unable to keep pace, it’s gotten expensive to live, let alone to take care of your skin. A really good loofah can run you $30 to $40, and you’ll probably replace it pretty often – all of a sudden, you’re racking up hundreds of dollars a year just to exfoliate your body. Here’s how I manage to save money without sacrificing soft skin by fucking hairy guys.
Pick wisely.
The first step to fucking a hairy guy is finding the right one. Dating apps might be great for dating purposes, but there’s no saying how old someone’s pictures are, and you want to make sure your man is extremely hairy today. The best solution? Go to a bar and survey the area yourself. Pick out the hunkiest, most wooly man you can find, walk up to him, and confidently ask him to come home with you. Now you’ve got your very own walking loofah!
Make sure you’re all ready for bed first!
It’s a good idea to brush your teeth, drink some tea, and do your nighttime routine before you exfoliate with the man you’ve just brought home to be your dry brush. You don’t want to risk being too sleepy after exfoliating (oops, we mean fucking) to finish the rest of your nightly routine!
Prioritize moving around a bunch while you’re hooking up.
This isn’t just a normal hookup: You should be scrubbing every inch of your body with his hairy chest to make sure you’re properly exfoliating. And if dry exfoliating doesn’t seem to be working, don’t be afraid to bring him into the shower, lather up some soap, and get to rubbing! Exfoliation also isn’t just for your body – make sure you’re rubbing your face in there too. This is easiest if he has a beard. No more Neutrogena! Just Greg!
Incorporate oil to repair your skin.
The best remedy for post-exfoliated skin is a little bit of hydrating cream or oil, and luckily, this is also a normal thing to do after sex, kind of. Feel free to offer him some when you’re done, just to avoid being rude.
Make sure you’re rotating your guys.
Even the best loofahs should be replaced every three to four weeks. Your hairy man is no different! Regardless of how well the relationship is going, you don’t want germs and bacteria to build up on his exfoliating surface, so it’s best to cut things off around the one-month mark and introduce another hairy man to your skincare routine! Uh, we mean “your life.”
There you have it! A cheap and easy way to exfoliate your skin that won’t break the bank or – hopefully – your back. Alternatively, you could get one of those cheap plastic loofahs, but where’s the fun in that?
