As skincare products have gotten more and more complex, I’ve started to fear the internet is telling me to do way too much. I prefer to go back to basics, using the tools already available to me to enhance my skin’s natural glow. I don’t use any fancy products, and I still get compliments daily. I’m not one to gatekeep, so here’s my secret: I keep my skin hydrated and supple simply by riding a log flume twice a day and letting the magical waters wash over me.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “That makes complete sense.” And yes, it does! The log flume is the perfect, hands-free way to keep my skin moisturized and clean despite all of the toxins in our modern environment. It has none of the harmful chemicals that other moisturizers rely on and, statistically, a lot more particles of piss.
My cardinal rule is this: I only use skincare that was available to our ancestors, and I’m pretty sure everybody had a log flume back then! I, personally, use my local log flume, which is a year-round feature of the county fair stationed just a short 120-minute drive from my house!
Riding the log flume twice a day does take quite a bit of time – considering that I also have to wait in line, ride the ride, and laugh at the pictures afterwards – but it’s worth every second. The splash of flume water feels fantastic on my dry skin, and all the debris kicked up by the log shooting down the flume really exfoliates my face and neck.
Some companies charge as much as $200 for their supposed “miracle creams.” Little do they know, riding the log flume twice only costs me $50 a day, which is less than $200! How have they been keeping this money-saving hack quiet for so long?
The best part about moisturizing via log flume is the community. I have made some of my best nine- and 11-year-old friends this way! On top of the skincare benefits, those are priceless relationships I will have for the rest of my life.
So, if you’re tired of listening to what “scientists” and “experts” have to say about your skin, go back to your ancestral roots and ride your local log flume over and over and over again until you look like Gigi Hadid. It only takes about four months to start seeing results!
