Hometown Friend Somehow Still Pregnant

In a shocking story out of Deena Lorento’s small Massachusetts hometown, it appears that her 27-year-old high school friend Janet is somehow still pregnant.


“Every time I check my Instagram, she’s posted another picture of her baby bump,” said Deena, who now lives in Manhattan. “Which is totally fine and I’m happy for her, it just feels like she’s been posting pics of her pregnant belly for the better part of five years?”


Deena, whose New York City friends are normally pregnant for nine or 18 months in a lifetime, went on to explain her confusion.



“I swear I saw her over Christmas and she was like a full nine months along,” said Deena. “But it’s almost March and she’s still got the bun in her oven. I wonder if she even has a due date?”


“I’m worried that she’s gonna squeeze out a teenager or something,” she added.


Other hometown friends who’ve moved away from home agree with Deena.


“Oh, Janet’s been pregnant for years,” said Mackenzie Wiles. “Like I don’t know if I remember her ever not being pregnant?”


“Yeah, my birthday has happened, like, three times since Janet first posted her pregnancy announcement on Facebook,” added Laura Wu. “I feel like she should get some medical attention. The baby has to be done by now.”


“There have been at least five seasons of Drag Race since I first heard Janet was knocked up,” Deena said. “And I’m no math expert, but that seems like long enough to make a whole baby.”


“And if the shock of Naomi Smalls eliminating Manila Luzon wasn’t enough to send her into labor, I don’t know if this baby is ever coming out,” she added.